“Both partners must be fully equal, for neither should absorb the other, but both should unite as a couple.” – Lethe 15:11

My wife and I had the privilege of attending a wedding this past weekend, and I was pleasantly struck by both the genuineness and the egalitarianism of the ceremony. 

Traditional weddings often include a call to the bride to submit to her husband and his will, and this has never sat right with me. To each their own, I suppose, but the idea of one partner subsuming the other seems antithetical to love. 

Now, I do not want to make the assumption that all those who have ceremonies including this line, sourced from the Epistle to the Ephesians, subscribe to this idea. Indeed many of that faith read the line in reference to a sort of mutual respect, but it is clear that this line and others like it have been used to justify inequality in what should be the most equal partnership of all. 

That said, when a sacred partnership such as this is overtaken by jealousy, paranoia, and inequality, it is a sad sight indeed for all involved. Some marriages are not meant to last, but an ideal marriage sees both partners give equally, sacrifice only when necessary, and generally enjoy each other simply for who they are. 

The second a hierarchy is introduced, these goals become much more difficult to achieve. 

In preparation for my own wedding ceremony, I wrote the verses to be recited and asked my wife – then fiancée – to approve them before sending them to our officiant. In these verses, I made it clear that those who seek to enter into marriage with each other must be equal with each other, regardless of gender or sex. The verse at the top of this piece was one of those recited during our ceremony a couple months ago, from “The Song of Wedlock” that is included in the Fithwrit. 

The wedding this weekend was also a wholesome one, with the officiant telling the story of the couple’s journey together and the bride and groom both crediting each other for helping them through their most difficult and vulnerable of moments. I had never formally met the groom, but hearing his vows, I knew he loved his bride as much as she loved him, and that this would be a joyful marriage. 

In my own marriage, I also did not invoke a higher power. Similarly to my views on morality, I do not believe an external being is necessary to hold together a marriage. If anything, such focus on an external being may obscure those who are actually married. Again, to each their own – this is simply my thinking on the subject and what my wife and I agreed upon quite readily. 

Regardless of what is or is not read in a ceremony, one partner making the call over the other is unhealthy. The “tradwife” movement of late is especially unnerving. Similarly to my views on individuality and spirituality, to give oneself up so fully to another’s whim is to forsake one’s humanity and agency. 

Marriage truly is a wonderful thing, and something I do believe to be sacred. My daughters, should I have any in the future who choose to marry, will certainly know their worth as people in their own right, and not simply as another person’s wife. 

Wives, do not submit to your husbands.