I was raised in the Christian faith from the day I was born. I was sprinkled as a baby, opted out of Sunday school in favor of the adult sermons, and chose to be baptized at the age of eight. I was devout in my faith, but also passionate about science, especially astronomy. I started thinking about the relationship between God and the cosmos, but my school suppressed any such ideas in favor of a literal reading of the Bible.

In junior high, I got involved in the youth group at my local Methodist church, and I quickly became a conservative evangelical. I went on mission trips and was militant about my faith, which, like many conservatives, I was convinced provided moral backing for my political beliefs.

My best friend died in 2018, when the two of us were fourteen years old. This surprisingly didn’t shake my faith, but it did set off the chain of events that led to my being bullied out of two separate congregations. It was around this time that the pandemic began, and, newly separated from the church, my mind was free to think critically about my faith once again.

As I deconstructed the rigid convictions that had been imparted onto me, my conservative identity rapidly fell apart, and by 2021, I began identifying as a progressive. It was that summer that I decided to truly strike out on a new path to explore and develop my spirituality on my own.

Throughout all this, my parents encouraged me to stay open-minded, and by the end of high school I had finally started to listen to them. I started reading other religions’ holy texts – the Avesta, the Daodejing, the Qur’an – and took notes on verses that resonated with me. I eventually read the Bible from cover to cover as well, something I never managed to accomplish when I was going to church.

It was in February 2024 that I got the idea to preserve my newfound spirituality in a series of poems. I enjoyed writing, after all, and had self-published by then. So, I began writing the poems that would eventually constitute the Fithwrit, the full collection of my spiritual beliefs in a series of twenty-seven poems. I haven’t published it yet, because I want to make sure it is absolutely, undoubtedly complete before I do, but that time will come soon.

So, what do I believe now?

The core of faith, to me, is the soul. Not just the spirit, but the personality, the desires, and most importantly the mind of each individual all constitute their whole. I call this the fith – the ultimate core and center of being that emanates from reality. Everyone has one, and it is more or less imperishable. They move on to a life after death, where they exist as ghosts. It’s our job to keep their memories and legacies alive here, especially those of our ancestors. We are their continuation, in a way.

I do believe in a God – not an all-powerful and all-knowing one, but one that permeates everything and everyone. God is reality, more or less, and we are all a part of it together. Each of our minds are small slivers of this ultimate Mind. What I have settled on are three essential beams of living well, those being truth, curiosity, and character. There are certain mystical aspects to my beliefs as well.

I also believe that no one religion, philosophy, or system of beliefs can claim moral exclusivity. I do believe there is an overarching “Moral Law” that we should abide by, but that morality is a natural consequence of our common humanity, not an external force’s arbitrary command. Religion should be a choice and an individual experience, not a means by which to control the masses.

It’s my hope with this blog to share my thoughts on religion and philosophy and to provoke critical thought in anyone reading. I don’t want to change anyone’s religion, but I do want to make you think deeply about it. For my whole life, I’ve seen people surrender their spirituality into another’s hands, and I’ve seen the unabashedly cruel side of the most outwardly pious individuals.

Thinking critically about one’s faith and truly internalizing it as your own, rather than someone else’s, should be the norm. It doesn’t necessarily mean giving up your faith – it means experiencing the raw truth of spirituality without the dogma of religion. That path looks different for everyone, because if you’re doing it right, it should be deeply individual and unique to you.

Isn’t that a beautiful thing?