“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” – Psalm 4:4

This is among the most sound advice I have ever received from my father. I do not know if he got it from this verse or from life experience, but it has been instrumental in acting rationally in emotionally-charged situations. Unfortunately, not everyone sees this as a good thing. 

First, I have some misgivings about the Bible’s definition of “sin,” but I would agree that acting in anger could constitute sin. I once wrote that sin is “treason to the soul,” and “projection of one’s own faults to the blameless soul of another.” Acting in anger and allowing it to control oneself would fall under this definition. 

I have found myself in many an instance where the temptation to act irrationally, and out of anger, was palpable. Of course, there have been times I did snap and said something I regretted later. However, as I have gotten older and been presented with more of these stressful situations, it has become increasingly apparent that waiting to act and allowing anger to simmer down is nearly always the correct course of action. 

The first time I encountered resistance to this method was in a management role two and a half years ago. An employee had overstepped his authority on multiple occasions, and I decided a disciplinary action was necessary. This was someone I had had a very close friendship with and even lived with up until this point, so I waited a few days to discuss the action to allow both of us time to think through the situation. 

I should note that the disciplinary action should not have been a surprise – this employee knew very well that he had overstepped his bounds, and he knew the consequences. 

When we did discuss it, his anger had not abated. If anything, it grew, and before I had a chance to explain the reason for my actions, he told me that nothing I could say or do would restore our friendship. We agreed that we could no longer live together, and I no longer felt safe in our apartment, so I moved all of my belongings to my car, fully at peace with the idea that I would be living in my car for the next several months. Were it not for my fiancée’s father offering me a place to stay, this would have been my reality.  

He also told me he would rather have had me berate him in the moment than have a collected conversation later on, and knowing the self-benefit of refraining from acting in anger, I felt more pity and confusion than anything else in that moment. 

Two and a half years later, I still do not regret the manner in which I handled that situation, or any of those that followed in the ensuing months. And this may be the most important lesson of all from this story – that even if acting in line with one’s moral compass leads to material or social ruin, this is far better than compromising one’s moral code and maintaining that status. 

To trade conscience for gain is to lose humanity.